Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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