My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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