allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
