So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
