just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
