I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
