Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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