so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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