Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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