Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he told me I talked like a deaf person
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
