I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
