I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
