I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is Oprah even human
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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