Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
