I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
