how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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