I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
