God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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