as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
