some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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