You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
