I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize