her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
