She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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