it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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