Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
