i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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