I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
