I must be too annoying 4 u.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
