I should be sponsored by Trojan
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
