Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
