i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
