is your mom at the bar?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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