splinters make it hard to masturbate
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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