I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
