All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I stole a fireplace last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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