I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize