What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
