i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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