ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
