My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she peed on how many people?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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