well most of my day revolves around power hour
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
