Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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