On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
