I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
