Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
