Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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