I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
