why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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