Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize