nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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