'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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