so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
