I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
