apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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