He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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