I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
