Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
