5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
