You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
