Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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