I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
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You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.