she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom