I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.