I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
