I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
