I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
