oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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