I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
