I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
