The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
