Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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