Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Randomize
