Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
