Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
