I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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