Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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