6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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